Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I FOUND THE LEGS
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
