My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
