she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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