dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
