So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
