Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
