i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
