does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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