The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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