At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My bed smells like the plague
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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