We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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