where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
