I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
