Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
