So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
