Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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