I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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