I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
