Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
