It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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