More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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