Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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