THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
