so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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