so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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