yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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