I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
