you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
