My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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