you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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