he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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