i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
