Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
