he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
