I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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