I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think my moral compass just broke
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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