You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
