hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize