i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
