Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
