he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
