i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
