Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
