You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
