So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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