this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
