I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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