so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
