don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I have aggressive nipples.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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