Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
