I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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