alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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