So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
