I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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