i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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